The Road to Life and Progressive Rock. Part III EPILOGUE

Part 3/Epilogue
Phase12
Harder times, new friends. . . separate roads.

"Birth of terror, death of much more, I'm the slave of fear my captor,
Never warnings, spreading its wings, as I wait for the horror she brings,
Loss of interest, question, wonder- Waves of fear they pull me under. . ."
-Frayed Ends of Sanity/Metallica

The "Dark Ages".
Its circa 1990 and all is falling apart, I had no job and my Art was going
nowhere, and I was asked to leave the Apt. in Tustin. And now with my
tail tucked between my legs, I asked to move back home.
The move back home was tough, and would be more than I could imagine.
It would be the roughest time between me and my Parents, especially my
Dad. The room was my sanctuary again, but it was my "box". Friends were
far away and me working odd jobs in Chino and Montclair, seemed like a
"Cultural vacuum" of small minded people talking about "what chick they
banged" etc., and held nothing for me to converse about, it was depressing
day in and day out.
The years were a blur, my late 20's early 30's counted the years in misery,
(much like the U.K. song "Thirty Years"), my dreams were just that, and
were stomped on by my parents. My Art never meant much to them and to
my Dad, I was a failure at everything, sometimes he wouldn't even
acknowledge me, or we'd get into yelling matches and to hear MY voice, I
had to yell louder and then the "insanity" started to show, I wasn't going to
hurt anyone, it was just my "delivery" of my retorts that my Parents could
see I was beginning to not care what they would do to me . . . or life.
So sarcasm became my defense, but it didn't make me feel better. The
verbal abuse would continue relentlessly, not physical towards me, but I was
starting to feel co-dependent of them, I was becoming more afraid of what
lay outside the door. An everyday barrage of illogical and ignorant statements
that left me . . . stunned. It reflected in me not learning how to drive (weird
rules that prevented me in learning), thinking that being on my own was
impossible, checking on me about watching T.V. too late, to not believing in
myself (well, to a point), and the only words I wanted to hear were the lyrics
in my music, that gave me some hope. I was in my late 20's but I might as
well have been 12 and I felt like it. I loved my parents, but it wasn't
reciprocated and that hurt more than the judgement and the words, I just
hid under the sheets, as in life as well.

http://darklyrics.com/lyrics/metallica/andjusticeforall.html#9
- Dyers Eve/Metallica
This song would tell the turmoil inside me and how I felt trapped, It's a
wonder I'm here to talk about it all (this song was always on my mind
then).

Perpetual motion.
But, I have to say for all the adversity, my old friends will tell you, I was
a pretty optimistic person (at least my hopes and dreams were somehow
driving me forward into the unknown), I still had the drive in my Art and
future, and I was always good humoured and always gave "the benefit of
doubt" to anyone and was always pleasant and respectful to all (I always
say "bless you" or "excuse me", "thank you" etc.). And outsiders thought I
was happy-go-lucky. But to those strangers, I kept all the family troubles
to myself. I drew when I could and couldn't afford music, so I just listened
to what I had and made due. I endured as much as I could and tried to keep
sane.

My Fathers dreams for himself and family were falling apart, his health was
deteriorating, wasn't able to ride his horses, and his oldest Son was a failure
in his eyes . . . and I felt like it everyday. But I think my Mom started to open
her eyes, and wanted counseling for her and Dad, but he wouldn't have it and
things just got worse and worse.

"Reality".
My Mom would later tell me that at work she would go on about me to her
co- workers and they would sympathize until they asked, "So does he do
drugs?" My mom would say "No...", "Does he drink, cause trouble?" "No...",
Does he hang out with the wrong crowd?", "No... he just draws, listens to
his music all day and see's a few friends". "Does he have a job?" "Yes but
its only part- time..." "So he has a job, he doesn't drink or do drugs, he's
creative and he doesn't cause problems . . . WHATS THE PROBLEM!?"
In recent years she would also tell me her regrets not sending me to Italy or
Spain to study Art . . . great (Now SHE paints . . . man).


Changes.
"One word from you,
One word from me,
A clear design on your liberty,
Who could believe when love has gone,
How we move on like everyone"
-Changes/Yes

After the endless blame of me as a failure and why my Dad was angry all the
time, and the constant yelling about me . . .
My Mom had enough and they separated, my Brother was just getting into
High School and now he had to make the decision of whom to go with, he
had his share of problems with our Dad, but not as much as me, though my
brother started to have a temper, and he became independant, and would
grow a thicker skin, and in THAT- I felt to blame.
But as we warned our Father . . . he would end up alone for the rest of his life.
The man that took care of us and inspired my Musical Odyssey, would end up
lonely, bitter and his body and bones would twist into more frustration, but he
kept his Independence by driving, even when his hands succumbing to Arthritis
and his fingers twisted. When we could, me and my Brother would visit, but it
was he who would endure more of Dads temper and help with grocery shopping
etc. as I would move farther away in the years to come. . . . escaping those
voices in my head, trying to find my purpose.
It would take time to befriend my Mom again as well, I sort of felt betrayed,
but many words and tears would be shared. Also with my Father, but the scars
lingered.

" Somehow somethings changed
around the house,
It suddenly seems so calm,
Now what are we supposed to do,
With all of this new found freedom?
Helpless I feel so helpless, helpless,
I don't like to be so helpless..."
-The Vendetta(still helpless)/Saga

Phase13

On my own again.

"Sometime when you've time to spare (Sometime we need time to spare),
Feeling of missed opportunity, Spare a tear and douse your bridge... (burning),
30 years and on the ledge.... (learning)"
-Thirty Years/U.K.

During these years, I'd live in Pomona, live in different places, work the rest
of the days at a Comic Store, "The Comic Bookie" where the owner Chris
Peterson would influence more of my music, including "The Dixie Dregs" with
our Co-worker and Artist (now a Comic Book colourist and illustrator) Dean
White, would both introduce (and re-introduce) the likes of: Robbie Robertson;
The Band; Peter Gabriel; Tori Amos; Kate Bush; Little Feat; Throwing Muses;
Cocteau Twins; Jellyfish; Phish; Sting; Police; Dead Can Dance and more.
I'd also be listening to whatever the latest albums were from my faves in Prog
Rock/Metal, Thrash and Death Metal bands.
Also, this was a fun place to work and we had a familure sence of humour.
Many a time a customer would find us in some crazy verbal "skit" and we'd all
have a laugh.

Chris Peterson would be invited to see the "Dixie Dregs" and asked me to come
along. It was really the 1st time to hear and see them (Even though I saw, and
was extremely impressed, Steve Morse open for Rush for the "Signals" tour) and
I was . . .
speechless. I know Steve was influenced heavily by Kansas, but this was like a
wordless/Fusion version. Rod Morgenstein drummed for "Winger", but I read
about him a long time ago and knew THIS is what he was capable of. The show
was over and we waited for Chris's friend, I then saw a door to the right of the floor
next to the stage, swing open and I say to Chris, "I just saw Steve Vai talking to
Steve Morse. . ." Then Chris's friend pops her head out the door and tells us to
come into the dressing room. The band soon crossed my path getting beverages
and, there THEY were, and I scooted up to Vai and Morse quietly and talked to the
most friendly and humble people.  Mostly talking to Morse, he was very
uncomfortable about all the hooplah going on around him . . . which was very down
to earth. A very nice experience it was.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMu0u7PfI9w

The Formidable Four!
The Comic Book Store would also make 4 more good friends, John Ewing, Dave
Driscol, Anthony Marinelli and Phil Winant.
John and Dave and me would occasionaly hang out, but for the most part, these 4
were seperate friends but knew each other. John and Dave were my Metal brothers
in arms, while Phil was my Sci-Fi/Anime, Prog buddy who also played guitar and
was a fellow Kansas and Rush fan and the guitar shredders of the day like, Eric
Johnson, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Yngwie Malmsteen. And new
kids like Tony MacAlpine, Jason Becker and Marty Friedman who were faves (that
people were just getting to know) including their insane "Tech/Thrash" band 
Cacaphony.

John was my Thrash/Death Metal buddy as well as Sci-fi/Fantasy friend. He
was quiet and shy to a point, but we would go to many memorable Concerts
and Record Stores. We both would be huge fans of Forbidden (and would go to
a "memorable" Forbidden show in the future for the album "Distortion" in which
singer Russ Anderson gave his Mic to me 3 times to sing key parts! And said
to the audience, "This is the 1st guy to sing in the same key!");
Powermad and Sabbat.
2001 show of "Thrash of the Titans" part3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR4fWtxcoQc
part4:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcK-pBzrpS0

Powermad!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Obn1ytNVNks

The Warriors of Nottingham England.
Sabbat was different than anything out there, it bordelined Thrash and Death
Metal, but had that Math Metal ingredient to make the music challenging. Then
add a Vocalist that screamed and grunted that wrote lyrics like a Shakespearian
Bard! Martin Walkier had the grasp of the English language as Charles Dickens
could convey turn of the century London. Lead Guitarist Andy Sneap would go
on to be a famous Producer/Engineer.
Watch/Listen for the "time changes":
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1065749
Lyrics for "The Best of Enemy's":
http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/sabbat/dreamweaverreflectionofouryesterday.html#5
(Lyrics are based on the book "Way of the Wyrd" and do not reflect the listener, but
it makes for an interesting "story")
Way of the Wyrd:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Bates

Dave is a guy who was pretty cynical, he grew up with good parents but had
a series of "bad luck" much like me. So we commiserated in misery and Heavy
Metal, he was getting into the Power Metal bands of the day like Helloween
and was a Doro Piesh fanatic, as well as her former band "Warlock". His fave
Thrash bands were Megadeth and Overkill, so we had that in common as well.
We also went to many Concerts, to escape our frustrations for years to come
(Dave would eventually go to different colleges for years and get many degrees,
find his dream car and live life the best he could with minimal grief). We'd also
go to San Deigo and some record stores he knew about.
All of us, also shared a special love for Iron Maiden & Queenryche and would
see them for various tours. And for me and Phil (and my Brother), Rush was a
staple.
Warlock:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj_2XnjlQGs
Helloween:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hx0gf60pYDo
Overkill:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RPuWWcQUgE

The Fourth Friend named Anthony Marinelli, another customer from the Comic
Store who was boisterous and funny, and was into Soundtracks and Rock (In
recent years, I would introduce him to Prog and would become a full fledged
"Proghead", but particular bands). A few years later he would become a part
time/bit Actor and be in many famous movies as an extra. And would even
be a part of the Entertainment Staff at the "Renaissance Pleasure Faire".
As the others would be, Anthony was a confidante that I hadn't had for quite
some time. My fellow Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Anime and Satch fan.

Around this time I'd be eating up Dream Theater's "Images and Words"
and soon "Awake". Albums that would make history and influence a new
generation of Prog Metal with grand compositions, prolific lyrics and a
musicianship that would expand the senses. Fates Warning was the seed,
and Dream Theater would add their mark to the world.
Making of "Images and Words":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czmM-bnaCiQ
And from "Awake":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgkWeftmWUs

Other "friends"(as in the noun . . . bas-stards).
These friends would come and go, would leave their influences in my music
like: This Mortal Coil; Bjork; the Sundays as well as other alternative musics.
Also The Cure; The Smiths; Souxie and the Banshees and Morrisey, but only
to "listen to", not to purchase like the former.
"They" would also show me who was a REAL friend and who was not to be
trusted . . . I started listening to my intuition (inherited from my Mom), but I'd
endure jibes and the conspiring behind my back before I had my fill, (that also
involved a girl I had a huge crush on) . . . I had enough, I was tired of being
their whipping boy.
From here on, I would not tolerate or give the time of day to people I sensed
were going to be trouble.

"I can see, what trust and loyalty have done for me, lying bleeding in the dark,
with a thirst for revenge and a dangerous heart "
- Light Fuse and Get Away/Dream Theater


Soon I would discover Psychotic Waltz and their 2nd album Into the Everflow
and the debut of Nevermore (ex-members of Sanctuary) and a band from
Colorado called Leviathan and its Geddy-like singer. All showing incredible
virtuosity (those weird time signatures again) and the ever expanding world of
Prog Metal.
Nevermore at "Gigantour 2005":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsaTc2DAuC4

Video for Psychotic Waltz from the "Bleeding" album:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Jdq23guwtw

Gentle Giants.
I also bought a band called Echolyn- "As the World", It had a terrible cover,
but they played those Prog-like instruments and the song titles were interesting.
Both Psychotic Waltz and Echolyn were bought at the "Wherehouse" Music
Store when they started selling used CD's. I thought Echolyn was a
"Garage Band" of sorts because of the packaging, I listened to it once, and
stayed on my shelf for the next . . . almost decade! As I started to understand
the band Gentle Giant, these guys would fit in nicely . . . how could I have not
seen (heard) it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBsKAvlGCyg

Math that I could "comprehend".
Its around this time as well (some -later down the road if I re-call correctly), I
discovered Watchtower; Cynic and the Atheist album "Unquestionable
Presence (2nd)". Like Cacophony (and in some respects Dream Theater), they
had un-real virtuosity, odd-meter, stop and go/point-counter-point compositions,
fast and precise that made me wonder how they remembered all the
movements! I was to take in this "mechanical" music as easy as the most
melodical. Yet I could hear that this wasn't just thrown together like alot of
critics and "arm chair critics" claimed. I could hear the timing, the structure and
knew enough that these people were clearly ABLE to compose such difficult
musics. Again, people who thought on a higher plane.
Watchtower:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw1lxY_Cyks
I was REALLY getting into this kind of music and would search it out. I must've
read about them in the various Metal Mags that were coming out, and the
descriptions sounded astounding, so I had to find them. Because of Cynic, I
would delve into the later years of "Death". The album "Human" was basically
the line-up of Cynic, and the following albums to come, "Individual Thought
Patterns" and "Symbolic" would take me into another direction of the Extreme
Prog Metal scene (These bands would have a moniker I saw in a Magazine
called "Ill Literature" . . . Math Metal. But that's still years away).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkjUQi_6SEI

Around this time, ELP had "REFORMED" after the awesome album of Emerson,
Lake and Powell, who had been a fave drummer since the Rainbow days
and had recently been with Whitesnake (with John Sykes) and Black Sabbath
(with Tony Martin for 2 albums).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwVQ9d15EfA
The new album called "Black Moon" would have a tour and It was great news for
me and my Brother, so I got tickets, made a "Banner" that we put on the tailgate
of his truck that read, in penciled chrome letters, "Welcome back my friends" and
the ELP logo! 1st time we saw people in their 40's and 50+ with their families
going to a prog show, It was very cool to see.
I had made a ELP tape and we blasted it, and a guy in his 40's with his Son
says to us, "I haven't heard that song forever!" The show was . . .
"Diabolic!" The old men could bring the house down as if they were in their 20's!
I was surprised that my brother knew most all the songs and he says, "Its
because you were always BLASTING the music and I could here it through
your closed door!" Carl Palmer's Drum solo was astounding with his skills,
the lights and his "Gongs"! And Keith going nuts on his Hammond Organ solo!
Yes . . . what a "Most amazing show" it was.
Welcome back indeed!
Palmer's Drum Solo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnQuuDnkeJ8
Emerson's Hammond Solo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXozSn754D0

As mentioned before, Black Sabbath with Dio, Ian Gillan (of Deep Purple) AND
Tony Martin would make an impact (and later I would emulate Tony Iommi's "Tone"
with some Gear. But that's another story). Cozy Powell had such a great sound on
his drums and they too would be an influence on the Power Metal scene.
Dio era:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owN6nUL9ezA
Ian Gillan era:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBi7XvJKlMo
(thats Bev Bevan of ELO on drums).
Stories from Ian:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppR838nSNX8
Tony Martin era:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhKQbjIzcnQ
"Headless Cross" video with Powell on Drums:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90mZThOY_8k

About Cozy and his tragic death in 1998:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cozy_Powell

Phase14
A New beginning.

"Some are born to move the world, To live their fantasies, But most of us
just dream about, The things we'd like to be, Sadder still to watch it die,
Than never to have known it, For you the blind who once could see
. . . The bell tolls for thee..."
- Losing it/Rush

Its about 1994, I'm still living in Pomona, living off of Am/Pm Hot Dogs and
44 ounce cokes. and things are looking dire again, but my resolve of being
an Artist is getting focused, and I am to go with the Comic Bookie staff to the
San Diego Comic Con . . . ironically not for work, but to meet my favorite
Artists and possibly share my own Art (though Dean's agenda was to look
into being a Comic Book Artist).
So here I am, I believe the 2nd day of the Con in the sweltering June heat by
the San Diego Bay, outside the Convention Center, re-arranging my Portfolio,
A man walks by me, he's 5'5" in his 50's with blondish hair and blue eyes asks
in a foreign accent, "Is this your Art?" We talk a bit and then he asks, "Would
you be willing to re-locate?" after an Interview a few weeks later and a few
months of communication, I GOT the job at a developing Video Game
Company!
The man was Diego Angel, CEO of Angel Studio in Carlsbad Ca. They were
known for the award winning videos for Peter Gabriel ("Kiss that Frog" etc.)
and the Special FX for the movie "Lawnmower Man".
. . . Another Argentine to give me some more insights.

http://www.progulus.com/gallery2/v/progulii/MAVIII-the+move+to+SanDiego94
.jpg.html?g2_imageViewsIndex=1
My Mom would weep at the news, she was soo happy. And when I called my
Dad, he weeped as well, he was very proud of me.
So with help from my Mom, Brother, and my friend John Ewing (who drove
the rental truck) I finally moved from the "Brick Oven" in a 1930's high rise
in Pomona ("Illegally" rented out suites, that were formally Office Bank suites).
Making 30K, sitting behind a drafting table and my own Mac and learning
Adobe Photoshop, while drawing vehicles, textures and designs for a Car
adventure video game. And being able to afford an Apartment with a Master
bedroom/bath, a HUGE living room, a 2nd Bedroom (that became my studio)
with an adjacent bathroom for $700 a month in Vista, Ca.


I made 3 friends there, Chris Lacson and Daren Bader. The 3rd friend I forget
his name because he was a bit of a jerk. Chris was the main Conceptual
Artist for the game I was working on called "Buggie Boogie".
Daren was working on a game called "Mr. Bones" (and Ronnie Montrose was
going to do the music!). Daren was actually a few years younger, but was
married and had a daughter, a home and surfed daily before he would come
to work . . . I envied him.
Daren and Chris were both GREAT Artists, Daren did Fantasy paintings and
was also working on a Comic Book. Chris was an experienced Conceptual
Artist for movies and a Car Engineer.
Daren was also a Yes; (later)King Crimson and Rush fan. Soon joined by Chris
and others, he would take us to Lou's Record Store in Luecadia/Encinitas.
It was 2 buildings made from a home or garage, 1 housed new stuff, the other
used.
I would buy ALOT of CD's, new and used there. They had a great used Metal
section and I'd find bands like Rosicrucian; Anacrusis; Atrocity; Carcass;
Mourning Sign; Pantera; Depressive Age; Souls at Zero (formally Wrathchild);
Kings X; Trouble; Blue Murder; Pike; Soul Quake; Tourniquet; Vengeance
Rising; Believer; Confessor; Skyclad; Fates Warning; Nevermore; Psychotic
Waltz (who were from San Diego); Paradise Lost as well as Dream Theater's
"Change of Seasons" and the last album by Sabbat, "Mourning has Broken"
that went in a Math Metal direction (since singer/lyricist Martin Walkier left to
form Skyclad), would also become a fave. I'd also purchase the newly released
Queensryche album "Promised Land" (As a Japanese Import with 3 Bonus
tracks and a sticker). It would become my favorite album.
By Daren, I'd be introduced to the David Sylvian and Robert Fripp album "The
First Day" and more Tori Amos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LivZtancfJg
So it was work, going to lunch, sometimes to "Karinas" which has the best
Carne Asada Burritos on the planet, and Lou's. Life was not too bad.

That "3rd" friend was a Industrial Metal fan, so we were also listening to:
Argyle Park; Acumen; Clay People; Atari Teenage Riot; KMFDM; Die Krupps
(which had the 2 Guitars from the Bay/Thrash band Heathen) and many others.
One day he brought in from his visit over-night to Lou's (he would buy anything
that "looked" Industrial, if he didn't like it, he would trade it for another) a CD he
said, "I kinda' liked this album, but I think YOU would love this", a sticker on
the case said:
" World Class Swedish PowerMetal! "...A well done technical symbiosis of raw
and modern thrash riffs, with very psychedelic intermissions and megaheavy
monolithic, industrial grooves...outstanding and unmistakable"
-Rock Hard Magazine "

After just hearing, what sounded like an "Assembly line" into a few seconds of
the 1st riffs, I said to my friend . . . "I'll take it!"
As I heard the rest of the album on headphones, the riffs on the 1st track
started to unfold as I stripped it down in my mind, this was like an even more
technical version of Metallica's "Disposable Hero's", i.e. the main melody riffs
(that come after the 1st opening riffs) of "chugging" lines, at first you think its
one way, but listen closer and you find its much more complicated.
THAT is what Meshuggah's "Destroy Erase Improve" album is. These guys
were trading off timing, percussion, odd-meter as simple as they were
breathing! Either the Guitars were the "Drums" and the Drums were doing the
"Leads", or the Vocals were keeping the time . . . and then Lead Guitarist
Frederik Thorndendal comes in, as if Allan Holdsworth did the solo to bring in
some fresh air, then the Double Bass Drums and Guitar Chugging would come
in on a dime! INCREDIBLE!
These guys just thought in a whole 'nuther level, and some critics at the time
just chalked them up as another "Pantera Clone", which proved they couldn't
hear or simply did not listen closer to this great band (as I said before, "Power
Metal" at this time was considered to be bands like Pantera and Machine Head,
that would change to "Aggro [Metal]" down the road).
"Future Breed Machine" (be sure to watch Frederiks
guitar FX gizmo):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQBv1smlQEU
"Sickening" (watch the fun):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0bTByPqMj4

So from here it was another few months, and during that time I'd take the train
to visit my Mom, Brother and my friends Phil; John and Dave, the Comic Book
Store, and Anthony had moved to San Fransisco. Chris Willis moved to Oakhurst
Ca. and worked for Sierra On-line for years to come (as it turned into Blizzard
Entertainment).
Tim Elkins settled in, back home in Oklahoma and at Church met his future Wife.
I was a bit lonely out in the boonies of San Diego, so I drew, called family and
friends, worked on Concept Tapes and listened to music. I tried dating, but just no
luck, and some heart breaks along the way.

Most of the people I liked to hang out with at work, had families of their own, so
I was left to my own devices.
I would start to feel out of place at Angel Studio, I wasn't given a chance to
"design" anything and just "Texture Mapped". Diego Angel saw this too.
He called me into his office and thought the place was keeping me down, he let
me go so I could "Spread my wings" and that he would write me a letter of
recommendation wherever I wanted to work.
So I'd move from my nice Apt. in a month and live on my savings and temporarily
live with my friend John Ewing who just moved to Canoga Park, Ca.
Again, we would scower the record stores as I sent out resumes and networked
for connections. But was very frugal with my savings, I made it last for quite
a while.


Phase15
History of a time to come.

After a few months of biting my nails, I had made a connection with an Agency
and they had me meet with Steve Grey at the U.S. office of "Square Soft" in
Marina Del Rey, after a few months of going back and forth, I was finally hired.
I was to be one of 2 Conceptual designers for the project "Paradise Eve".
The following weekend, with my friend Dave Driscoll, we'd look around Marina
Del Rey and Santa Monica looking for the perfect home (I was to make almost
50K in 1995). We went by the Venice canals and I saw a sign for rent for this
cool little cottage. We went and checked it out, 1 bedroom, wood floors, nice
and airy with lots of windows. Called the realtor, she came down and told me
it would be $900 a month. Signed the papers and it was mine.

This place would be significant in many ways in my life:
It showed that I could make a living at what I wanted to do with my Art.
My folks wept (as well as the last job) and they were very proud. I had good
friends and I shared my life with them. Made new friends and Music would
take many new turns. I FINALLY purchased a better Stereo (Yes, I had that
"Soundesign" piece of crap for all that time):
a Yamaha RX-V39 Surround Sound Amplifier.
A Pioneer CLD-D504 Lazer Disc Player (that still is my main CD player, its a
powerful sucker) that I aquired from my Brother.
2 Bose 100 Rear Mini Speakers to go with my nice old Acoustics 12 in.
Speakers.
And a Sony Double Deck Cassette Player to go with my Pioneer PL-4 Direct
Drive Turntable and my ol' Radio Shack Mini-Mixer.
Finally my music could be heard the way it was meant to. I had my 500+ LP's,
my ever growing CD collection (and a ridiculous collection of VHS tapes,
pre-recorded and recorded) that I cherish to this day.
Then another new addition to music . . .

One day at lunch at Square, My friend Lief Einerson and I were talking about
music and Guitars we've always wanted, and out of the blue, Lief says, "Lets
go buy some Guitars!" . . . okay. So we ended up at this place called "Ace
Music" and ordered 2 "Jackson Striker" Guitars (his Cobalt Blue, mine Black),
in a few days we had our dream guitars for $800. But I had no gear, after a few
months, Lief said he didn't have time to play, so he let me borrow his set-up.
An "Acoustic" Amp (Tube and very warm like a Mesa Boogie) and his Korg
guitar processor pedal board!
I programmed my own 80 presets and went to town! This is also where I
started to hone my voice, it was a house so I had only the "Twin" House in
the back, but it was detached, and no one could hear my music or practicing
vocals along with Yes; Kansas; Forbidden; Queensryche; Dream Theater;
Sting; Peter Murphy; Metal Church; Maiden and others. My chops were getting
better and I was starting to have inklings of getting a band together. But
Drawing was my life and it took up all my time.
At this time as well, A Tower Records was a few blocks away from work, and I
would purchase a Magazine called Progressions and Ill Literature, where I
would learn about new Prog Rock and Metal Bands, including the latter, Death
Metal and Tech/Math Metal. In Ill Lit. I would 1st read about Opeth, and
Progressions about Ayreon . . . and would not purchase them till years later!
But I did learn about and purchase, Soilwork; Digital Ruin; The Quiet Room;
In Flames; Dark Tranquility; Darkane; Jag Panzer; Edge of Sanity; Extol;
Gardenian; Conception; Damn the Machine; Event and more.
But because of Progressions, I would learn of different genres of Progressive
Rock and get my education.
Bills were being paid, I was drawing for a living, life was good.

It was at this time as well that my friend Phil moved to the Bay Area, I went
to go visit him in Palo Alto, and he took me to a Music Store he thought I might
like. This is where I would purchase Lemur Voice; Magellan; Artension; Aniac
Requiem; Divine Regale' and Mayadome. Only hearing about Magellan, the rest
were just "out of the blue" picks because the album covers were interesting, or
the instruments they played. All were fantastic picks, but Lemur, Divine and
Magellan were major finds and would get lots of play on my stereo, as they still
do today.
San Francisco and the Bay Area made quite the impact on me as well, the
people were really friendly and I liked the feeling of the place, maybe a place
for the future. But I loved Venice and my life there was not too shabby.

"Everything was right in my world . . . then, I woke up."
- dialogue from A Fortune in Lies/Dream Theater

This House, also was a cherished place because my 2nd girlfriend. She loved
this house. Rachel Gaxiola was introduced by Phil Winant years ago in
Pomona, even then I thought she was cute but she had a long time relationship
with one of his friends, but Rachel would become one of his best buddies.
We, after those many years, met again and hit it off right away. For me it was
the 1st real love I had and we had good times for the short time we were
together. She was the cutest thing on the planet, we laughed and loved with
ALOT of passion, loved finding new places to eat and for the most part had
good times, but she had some baggage of her own, and her temper would flare
up. I did what I could to help . . . but trouble was brewing for me as well, and
that would bring the end to the love affair.
Even years after the split, we remained good friends and did lots of things
together and she would re-introduce me to Classic singers like Billy "Lady Day"
Holiday and Elle Fitzgerald. But the break-up for me left alot of scars.
. . . but we would miss that house.

" Do you feel you don't know me anymore? And do you feel, I'm afraid of your
love? And how come you don't want me asking? And how come my heart's not
invited? You say you want everyone happy, Well, we're not laughing. And how
come you don't understand me? And how come I don't understand you? Thirty
years say we're in this together, So open your eyes! . . ."
-Scarred/Dream Theater


Phase16
"Only immortal for a limited time".

Life throws many curves, it would be a total of 9 months at Square, I tried to
Freelance again until the realization hit that I had to find ANY kind of work.
Rachel was actually in my life during this time, BAD timing once again.
I'd lose the house, lose my girl, start room-mating again with awful people,
work for minimum wage jobs, my friend John Ewing would just fade away
without really knowing why. My core friends were still around. I'd work at a
Toy Store that I hated (One of the condescending Mgr's actually) and
befriended another Prog Head named Chris McCarthy, who also was an
Entrepreneur on the side, we saw concerts and hung out alot, we became
real good friends.
But I had enough of the Toy Store, and the bottom fell out from under me
. . . that led to a summer of homelessness.
I couldn't pay rent and had to move out, put my stuff in storage and got a job
at a Comic Store called HiDeHo, also in Santa Monica. I was "working
homeless", and was on the street or "Couch surfing" or treated myself to a
Motel room when I could afford it (even Chris became homeless briefly, but
when he stayed with me in one of the "places" I found that was clean and safe,
he broke down and asked his Father for help).
A friend/co-worker at the comic store Lori and her Father Bob Hebard were only
a few that knew what I was doing and living through daily, and out of the
kindness of their heart, would invite me to dinner at their favorite hangout,
"The Cafe 50's Diner".
They'd keep my chin up, fill my stomach and mind with positive encouragement.
To go back home to my Mom and Brother was just an unsaid thing. I'd be a
thorn in the side, they had enough with my Dad and I, I just couldn't be more
trouble than I already was, so I kept this trouble away from them.
I endured soo much, I think most would have taken their own life to spare the
misery, but most will never know. Being without my music was VERY hard, but
it gave me the drive to see their was a horizon . . . somehow.
Phil Winant would help as well when he could, mostly to help with storage
payments and pocket money, I owe him my life.

"...People in prayer for me everyone there for me, sometimes I feel I must face
this alone, my soul exposed, it calms me to know that I wont!"
-Scarred/Dream Theater

NO MUSIC, couldn't afford batteries for a walk-man if I remember correctly.
That didn't help in my sanity, watching the "cliche' " homeless, pan-handling
and not bathing. I found "ways" to keep clean, and when I could, I'd stay in a
Hostel or Motel to keep my head together. But I was dying for my music.
The ugly thoughts in my head started to rise, if people hassled me and what I
could do to them, and it would be bloody, with my own bare hands . . .
Then I would shake out of it, but I'd sob and tears would flow.
I remember, I HAD to see "Saving Private Ryan", It was getting rave reviews
and it had been awhile to see a movie and I needed some escape (and being
interested in War history). So with some money I had, I went to the local
theater and it was moving. . . but it might as well have been me. I was in my
own battles, and when Tom Hanks sat on the edge of that blasted crater, away
from his men, and lost it . . . I cried. That was me, just about everyday.
I didn't see the horrors of War, but this was my world of a war with life and
endurance. I had to make it.

I got into weird "Living situations" with employers, acquaintances, and from an
invitation of a co-worker, I unfortunately found out that him and his girlfriend
were cruel Parents of a cute little girl (they were verbally abusing their daughter
everyday) and I would hear their aweful words as I covered myself under a
blanket, crying and wanting to strangle the Mom!
At a Toy Store I worked at in Fallbrook, I would live there and every waking
moment I was expected to work (I slept in a small, clean storage room on a long
piece of foam) as I ran the comic book section in the morning and afternoon and
painted murals after 12am with 5 other Artists. And then to find that many Mgr's
were Racist African Americans and at meetings, I could see people of other races
feeling "uncomfortable".
I saved my money and even Rachel came to visit me from time to time to cheer
me up, which was a life saver.
After that job ended "ugly" at the Toy store, I lived with those Monsters and their
"Pig Stye" Apartment, where I watched 2 cats DIE and treat their Daughter with
hate. Eventually I'd find a better place to work, I went on to get a job at an Organic
food store and worked the Deli and saved. But I left a letter with those parents
that I lambaisted their behaviour and the last words were:
"Would you rather see LOVE in your Daughters eyes . . . or FEAR!?"
I should've called the Police as my Mom suggested, but I was in a low place and
it would take awhile to get my sanity and footing back. I read the letter to my Mom
and she was quite taken with it . . . I still think of that little girl. Her name was
Vanessa and it has always been one of my favorite names. In the years to come,
Dream Theater would release "Falling into Infinity" and the lyrics to Peruvian Skies
would make me sad . . . and more recently, for someone special in my life (...sob).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI1YcIvMJUw
I've lived through some fucked up situations, by "Gods grace go I". But I guess
there are some that live with worse everyday.


3 More.
During the time of homelessness and the HiDeHo Comic store in Santa Monica . . .
I Became part of the Star Wars Episode I Line at Hollywood's Chinese Theater
where I met my good friends Erik Murillo, Art Douglas and Malaki Keller, my Sci-Fi/
Anime/Movie making buddies at arms (I had a place to sleep, even if it was a
sleeping bag on Hollywood Blvd.) that I'd befriend between Episodes I and II. And
were one big happy (well, sort of) family of nerds for III, 3 years later.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxoManjF0eM

Determination.
Finally saved enough money and got a better roommate situation (but sadly, every
situation turned bad, this time it wasn't me), made new friends, then worked for
Tower Records in Santa Monica/Promenade for 3 years as floor help/stocking, then
promoted to Display Artist where I would win display contests in the zone- 5 times.
I'd make displays for Tool, Iron Maiden, Dream Theater and many Pop releases.
That was the fun part of the job.
Got tons more music, this is where I'd read about and buy Spiral Architect when it
debuted, and then bought the entire catalogue of Opeth when "Blackwater Park"
was released. And would discover Zero Hour, and other Sensory; Magna Carta;
Nuclear Blast and InsideOut label bands. As well as befriend alot of the Label Reps
and got promo copies of new releases and Concert Tickets.

There was also a real interesting co-worker by the name of Andre Marins who was
from Brazil. He was a insane guitarist on electric and acoustic, was a Prog, Metal
and Jazz fan and had the funniest analogies (like Jugu music, I asked him what
was that? He would say, "You know! jugujugujugujugu!" the sound of a "chugging"
riff on distorted guitar! So he would call ME "Jugu") and all the crew would use his
references and Brazilian slang.
He made it fun, as well as others, but I didn't care for our manager, and I was
passed up on my "25 cent" raise as I only made $7 and hour! Supposedly
because "Towers troubles brewing" (3-4 years before Tower would go bankrupt).
I finally had it and quit. But kept drawing, the core friends still there.

Its circa 2000, and I would find a Record store in West LA on Venice Blvd. and
would purchase a CD buy a band with a funny name, that I had read about in many
trade magazines and through a few Prog Fests that were in the Bay Area, and
seemed to be local faves. Spocks Beard released "V" (So did "Symphony X", but
I would not purchase that album for a year, it would be my 1st time hearing them)
and apparently, this store had gotten a VERY early promo. Took it home and was
an instant fan. It had the familure sounds of Genesis, Yes, ELP and Gentle Giant,
but it was . . . the Beard! I would see them on this tour, and at every tour to come,
I would get to meet the band and again, a bunch of friendly and personable people
(I even was hitting on a cute Japanese exchange student that Keyboardist-Ryo's
Wife introduced me to! . . . Asian girls just don't go for guys like me).
From "Beware of Darkness":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ8ArciKdZo
From this same store I would find Steve Vai's unbelievable Rythem/Lead Guitarist
"Mike Keneally" and his 1st 2 solo albums, "Hat" and "Boil that Dust Speck".
Absolutely hillarious and musically insane! His lyrics had a familure humour and
music VERY influenced from his last days with Frank Zappa. His lyrics would
make me crack up and I would meet him, in all places, a visit to San Diego and
"Lou's Records", without knowing he was to play an Acoustic set. I walked into
the place and said, "This tune sounds familure..." and there he is in the back of
the store amongst albums. And after his set, got to speak with him, a very nice
guy and talked about our love for Yes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYqQlRgn7qM

Opeth and Spiral Architect were introduced by the now gone Magazine "Ill Literature"
and was a great way to find out about Death and Math Metal bands.
Opeth I read about for a few years before buying their CD's, and it was "Still Life"
then "Blackwater Park" that amazed me, they could go from the extreme to sublime
in ONE song. So as I said before, I would buy the entire catalogue to start my
journey. I would see Opeth open for Nevemore on their "Black Heart in a Black
World" Tour ("Blackwater Park", hmmm . . . the BLACK tour I guess).
Ghost Reveries album (2005)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAmYJyOStos
making of. . .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUpzfluXnF4

Spiral Architect . . . my God! Like Meshuggah, they intertwined their timing, and
had that odd-metered patterns and compositions that left me stunned on how they
could remember all those time changes! But Spiral were more influenced by the
likes of Cynic, Watchtower and Psychotic Waltz. All members were brilliant, but
even the Bass was in "front" and played more like Jaco Pastorious! These guys
just thought on a whole new level.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXKifm1YhtY
(Video is hard to come by for these guys, unfortunately this is the best there is)

I soon found work with Record Surplus in West LA (where I would find 2 extremely
rare albums on CD, German Thrash band Paradox and Ronnie Montrose's "At the
Speed of Sound"). Then would transfer to their wherehouse and Left Coast
Marketing, their wholesale CD wherehouse doing Shipping and Receiving and find
more unusual Prog and Metal like: Zoic; Age of Rebellion; Mind Odyssey;
Lothlorian; Loudblast; Transatlantic; At the Gates; Extrema; Novembers Doom;
Altura, Ion Vein and my favorite find . . .
Steve Hackets "Guitar Noir(1st pressing)". As well as alot of Alternative acts,
Sound FX and Jazz Cd's.
The work was monotonous, but I would have my "projects" like building 7 pallets of
"30 count boxes-7-8 boxes wide- 10 boxes tall" of Nuclear Blast titles and out of
HUGE shipment of Japanese "reject" CD's from Tower Records Tokyo! We all
found ALOT of CD's for ourselves to purchase (and for wholesale! Oi Veh!) and
things like that made it fun.


Giving up on Radio.

"Soul gets squeezed out, Edges get blunt, Demographic, Gives what you
want. One of the wonders of the world is going down, It's going down I know,
It's one of the blunders of the world that no-one cares, No-one cares enough"
- The Sound of Muzak/Porcupine Tree

For years, would be a love hate relationship. In the mid to late 90's, KLOS
radio at 12am would be a show called "Headsets" hosted by Jim Ladd.
He would pick subjects and would build songs around them and add Sound FX
and would play music that was not on the format . . . hmm, sounds familure.
But after a few years, and after he, pontificating about the type of musics he
would play and the state of Radio, yet he would play Floyd, the Doors, the
Stones, Roger Waters and the like over and over with the same SFX, I had
enough. We would be lucky to hear any Prog on these shows, for the
occasional Rush "Mystic Rhythms", Radiohead and "other" Floyd songs, but
he seemed to distance himself from the "pompous" (BUT, he did re-introduce
me to The Gathering -"If_then_else", a promo copy which stood in my collection
for a year and became one of my all time fave albums).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE6A92yMBlA
I even called him up as he was doing a segment on "Flight", and I suggested
Kansas- "I can Fly" and Saga's- "I'm the Flyer" in which he said on the Air,
"had a great request for Saga but I don't have it", 1st acknowledgment of a
request, requests that were NEVER realized since I'd been listening in 1977!
As I would wait for HOURS for my requests to be heard, but my requests were
quirky, they were "B-sides" and FM radio turned into a Clear Channel
conglomerate. This was the last bastion of "different" radio, and the day it died
is when I sent Jim Ladd a few of my Prog Compilations, to find out from his
receptionist that "He gave them to me to listen to". His idea of "new music"
was what HE liked, and it was the same old crap, I quit! I think he wasn't
paying attention to the words of "Have a Cigar" close enough.
Radio is dead, its full of what they want you to hear, and what the Top 40
society demands, simple, brainless muzak.

YOU must Assimilate.
Its like a "warm" human body with a part of its brain exposed and a machine
with a sharp "picker" mechanism pokes at the brain and the body responds
with a "twitch" . . . "Its got a beat and I can dance to it". Music for the masses
was a bunch of twitchy sounds and samples strung together to make some
sort of melody that the brainless could follow.
Occasionally I would listen to a Jazz or Classical station, but new music is
dead, the mainstream infected everything.

"Just keep it simple boys, it's gonna be alright as long as you're inside the
Mainstream, are we moving too far away, Is it worth it if it doesn't pay, The
centerline is status quo, it's Mainstream, If you stay within the tried and true,
You'll remain among the chosen few, Survive another year"
- Mainstream/Kansas


Phase17
Hope in life and Music.

Down the road-years later, would lose friendship with Chris McCarthy in
another mystery, but it was through him, after my Mom asked me about my
need for a Computer (A Mac) for my Art. Chris worked for PC Mall, and he
worked out a deal for a macG4 and around Thanksgiving 2002, she bought it
as a surprise Christmas gift and I NEVER asked for another gift, it was very
touching. Soon I'd be burning Compilation "CD's" and my collection would
keep growing.

2 friends I had much in common, and rarely in music, I miss to this day, being
John Ewing and Chris McCarthy. Good friends are hard to come by, and these
guys were nice people in my life.
Rachel would eventually meet someone "right" in her life and get engaged, but
we would be estranged for a couple of years before that.
And Tim Elkins, at this time, living with his wife and children in Kansas City
Missouri (how appropriate). In a phone call, as I lived in Westchester at the
time (by LAX), told me about an Internet Radio station that he listened to at
work, but he didn't know what it was but "They play the same stuff you put on
those tapes you made for me of Progressive Rock and Metal!", but I asked him
to look into what the station was called (I don't know why he couldn't access
the home page).
Also, as luck would have it, I would live close to a small used CD Music Shop
called Sounsations and it had alot of Magna Carta and InsideOut releases.

By the time I got my Mac, Tim found out he could make requests on the station
and he could chat live on the home page on a tag board that had people from all
over the globe (Tim's a.k.a. is "Wheathead").
The station was called Progged Radio, I would meet like minded proggers and
to my surprise, it was a place where the likes of Spiral Architect; Saga; U.K.;
Lemur Voice and Watchtower were worshiped along with Dream Theater; Yes;
Genesis and Rush! And everyone was very nice and receptive to newbies on
the chat board.
Here, as well as other "Alumni", I would meet "Vanprog" (Van) and would be the
start of "something" as well as a friendship that would carry onto the next phase
of Progged. A friendship that means alot to me and is very precious, even
though we are separated by Oceans and bigger issues in our lives, "The stream
of life goes on...".

Eric, Malaki and me would become the "3 Musketeers -Phase3", though it wasn't
the music but our love for Sci-Fi/Anime and Movies. We would then hook up with
Art Douglas, who went USC Film School, and try to put together a Film Production
Company. We wrote various storylines and scripts, as I drew Concepts and
Storyboards. We made a Short-Film, and in the process strained the relationships
and I guess whispered words would distance us futher.
I now only see Erik, but he is a good friend and confidante', but again, after 3 years
of friendship, it would be missed those 2 others (Mal being Eriks friend who would
draw and write together about fantastic stories since Junior High), but true friends
should know better and trust should be a bond, thicker than blood.
But I was missing friends that had that Prog and Metal understanding, so I was
"out numbered" when it came to MY music and theirs, and sort of became a joke
to these people that would use every cliche' about the music I loved.
. . . it sucked.


As far as "Prog friends". . .
I would also get my old friend Chris Willis into Opeth and Porcupine Tree, and
would become a huge fan of both and Steve Wilson (and his many projects).
"Not Freebird . . .":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FATY4dDw28
He would have his hands full with a Wife, Step-Son and his career as
a Video Game Artist/Designer, as he and Tim Elkins would still keep in touch,
and occasionally see a visit from "wheathead" on the Tag Board. He and his
Wife Holly would also have their hands full with a Daughter, then a Son a few
years later. Anthony Marinelli too would be influenced with Prog, but he
gravitating more to the epic and fantasy side of Prog and Power Metal, but he
remains a good friend and we see each other often, (now that I live in the same
town of Claremont). Phil Winant would move around SoCal, and keep in touch
by phone, email and a visit here and there and a hello at a few Rush concerts.
Dave, as said before, would go to various schools to find his career niche', we'd
go to Metal shows here and there, but always kept in touch, though recently,
life has gotten in the way, and the need to stay in touch is always on my mind.
A Friend from the Progulus Tag Board, Chris Jones (a.k.a. "Beowulf") would soon
meet up and we would see many Concerts in the short time we've known each
other.
When Rush is in town its me and my Brother. But most of the time its seeing a
Concert alone, I miss having friends to share the experiences with.

Journeymen.
I would be lucky enough in my later life to meet many bands and musicians, and
can claim all were very friendly people (. . .maybe a small few being "high"):
Forbidden, Nevermore, Spocks Beard, Under the Sun, Overkill, Steve Morse and
Dixie Dregs, Steve Vai, Enchant, Lachesis, Joey Vera of Fates Warning and
Armoured Saint, Walter Becker of Steely Dan, D.C. Cooper, Eyefear, Timeline,
The Tipton Brothers and Zero Hour, Glen Danzig, Christopher Cross, Mike Keneally,
Gene Hoglan, Ray Alder and Frank Aresti of Fates Warning, Nick Van Dyke and
Redemption, and . . . the "professor on the drum kit" . . . Neil Peart, who was
checking out CD's at the Tower Records I worked at (you could hit me with a bus!).
Also, I'd befriend members of Prototype, I remember being taken-a back how friendly
and down to earth they were, and our mutual admiration for Sci-Fi, Star Wars, Dune
and many bands (Rush of course, among many others).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P1gxkV6bMU


Phase18/Epilogue
Bridges.

Me and my Father would mend old wounds the best we could, and my Mom and
Brother would have us over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which I always
looked forward to. We would laugh, eat, cry, tell story's and cry some more.
Life goes on, through all its joys and sorrows . . .
But we forge on to an open road.

" Sometimes I lose sight of where I'm going, Fanned by a flame I can't remember,
But distant lights still burn bright, And the road goes on forever, Forever..."
-The Road goes on Forever/Fates Warning

Epilogue:
Thank YOU. words for the uninitiated, the fan and performer.

And here we are. This music has been with me through many happiness and
trials and trails of tears, losses and gains, hopes and dreams with many people
to share this wonderful musics that were influenced by so many kinds of
experiences with many different genres. It has been my soundtrack throughout
all my creations in Art. It manifested itself through all my emotions and even
love. I put this music as a pedestal for all to live up to, to compare and defy
to create in the same standards of excellence, and to place music in such a
way that it takes the up-most musicianship and ability to compose and perform.
Even Love songs have more meaning, not only were the words more prolific,
passionate, intelligent and sometimes esoteric, the music drove the emotions
even further, the words were not simple as the Top 40 songs that were making
millions, these were words we could identify with, words of truth and from the
heart. Many not confined to a 4 minute song, as any other Prog song, limits are
a word not familure.
As well, no subject is taboo, anything and everything was open for prose, but
to a level that was educated, opinionated and elevated to leave questions to
ponder upon, unravel and take-up for discussion.
From History, Politics, and the Human Condition to Romance, Sci-Fi/Fantasy
and beyond (and a sence of humour didnt hurt either). A music that is truely
international and not segregated like most musics, and if in native tongue or
English, its accepted because it was the music that mattered.
A music that does not rely on "Hits", but soley on the Art of musical expression
and the ability to compose and play at the highest level. To craft an "album"
and not just a single song for the charts.
Rush's newest album (2007) "Snakes and Arrows" peaked at No.3! The highest
ranking of any Rush album to date. It peaked at 3 because EVERY fan bought
an album, we are few but proud, as are Prog fans in general.

Though I am glad that this music stays "underground", it also saddens me that
throughout all media, what is sold to the masses is stale, un-artistic, fodder
with no virtuosity. Like Jazz; Fusion and Blues, it is a music that has few
fans, but of quality- and Intelligence that think "outside the box". We
unfortunately listen to a music that is "the bottom of the bottom of the barrel"
to the Top 40 masses and we are the fringe. Even Punk (some could argue,
Punk-Lite) has become MORE popular. But, even though these creators usually
have 9 to 5 jobs to supplement their Artistic endeavors (for the exceptions of
Rush; Dream Theater; Yes; Genesis and the like), they have the hunger and
drive to provide OUR world with enriching notes to soothe our souls and minds,
and to challenge them.
. . . They are compelled to create such musics.

"It's too easy to "be in" on the new wave, It's too easy to know how to play,
It's harder to "be in" for the sake of your own being, To shake your head as
the world just nods away"
- As the World/Echolyn

I praise all who take on these endeavors to create and provide this larger
world. I thank God for these friends and bands throughout my life that have
shared, and to Progged, and now Progulus and its community for a never
ending supply. And I am VERY grateful for the great friends I have made here.
Its this music that is a blessing in my life, that it keeps me sane and to endure
what I have to, till greener pastures, and the hope it inspires me again.

Credo.
Tim Elkins would give me Kerry Livegrin's Book "Seeds of Change" as a
Christmas gift in 1992 (With a special inscription that means a great deal to me).
I have read it about 3 times with its funny stories of the road and Kerry's
spiritual quest. But with his spiritual devotion also comes his love of music.
In reflecting on this, he says:
"Over the years I have accumulated a rather large collection of recordings
which covers a whole spectrum musical styles. Lately I have found that there
is rarely time to sit down and simply listen to music, but in one of those rare
moments, I pulled a record off the shelf that I have not listened to for about ten
years. It was an early album by a little-known British group, Gentle Giant.
I happened to notice the liner notes on the album which read:

"It is our goal to expand the frontiers of contemporary popular music at
the risk of being very unpopular. We have recorded each composition with one
thought-that it should be unique, adventurous and fascinating. It has taken every
shred of our combined musical and technical knowledge to achieve this."

I think they fulfilled their prophecy of their own obscurity, but what a credo!
They stated most succinctly the exact attitude which I think is missing from so
much from today's contemporary music. Their is no virtue in intentionally seeking
to be unpopular, nor does commercial success automatically mean that a piece of
music was conceived for that purpose. The best possible scenario is one in which
the highest creative endeavors are accessible to the broadest possible audience."

Seems us few have found those more adventurous ones that simply do it for
the virtue of Art and creativity.


Dedication:
Bob Hebard, the Father of my friend Lori at HiDeHo Comics who helped me
with "food for the mind, body and soul", passed away 2 years ago. I hope
where ever he is, he knows how much I appreciated his words and kindness.
And I also give a very special thank you to my Father . . .
Marco Antonio Velasquez Sr. (II) who passed a little more than a year ago.
It was he who planted the seed into my musical journey and I hope with all
hope, he is at peace in the "great gig in the sky" and singing and whistling
with all his heroes, as I know he watches over his one true love and his 2
cherished Sons.
With much love . . . Thank you Pappa'.

And so it goes.


"If the future's looking dark, We're the ones who have to shine, If there's no
one in control, We're the ones who draw the line, Though we live in trying times,
We're the ones who have to try, Though we know that time has wings,
We're the ones who have to fly... No matter what they say... Rise from the
ashes, No matter what they say, and blaze, In everyday glory!"
- Everyday Glory/Rush


Last message of hope:
Between the stories of my musical journey, as you have read, was alot of
emotional distress. Don't feel pity or sorry for me, though its a "giving" emotion
and that is always a good thing, but. . . their are soo many people, all over the
world that have, or are going through MUCH worse and alot of it, victims of
circumstance, its "Out of their hands", no fault but random chance.
I know of a few that are in more dire circumstances and are looking for a place
to call home without fear of reprisal and could just deal with everyday life.
I'm still alive, with hopes and dreams I will do my best to realize, find my
inspiration and resurrection of sorts, to find home. I need to see whats around
the bend. But I have good music and good friends that I hope I never take for
granted.
MY story is to take what you can out of it and learn from mistakes I've made
and do good for your self and possibly others. When you can, pay it forward,
live the best you can with a positive outlook, treat people right and it will make
you feel good inside and you'll take that energy where ever you go. I, myself
am still learning, but my will and determination still drives my legs to move.
I hope everyone who reads my story leads YOU to your dreams with inspiration
from YOUR musics (I just hope you have good taste).

"Sun dogs fire on the horizon, Meteor rain stars across the night, This moment
may be brief, But it can be so bright, Reflected in another source of light, When
the moment dies, The spark still flies,
. . . Reflected in another pair of eyes"
-Chain Lightning/Rush


The End (... except for purchases).




>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

My Dad. . .

"This Old Man, He worked for thirty years with, two strong hands, in the factory
light his lunch box held all his needs, with coffee, sandwiches and dreams for
Me . . . for Me."
-This Old Man/Styx

To read more about my Father, see the Eulogy I wrote for him at Progulus
and their original Forum:
Forum:http://www.xstreamhost.com/~progulus/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=131



To see what influenced other Progulus listeners:
http://www.progulus.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=25

And to see what other Proguli listen to:
http://www.progulus.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=10

And watch:
http://www.progulus.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=87

And . . .
How YOU can help increase listenership of this GREAT station:
http://www.progulus.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=80


Thank you ALL for your time and Prog On!